This is what we all dream of, right? The starter’s whistle blows, we clip in, we charge off at full tilt toward cyclocross oblivion, and our lives, which had so little meaning during the week, suddenly come into focus. Some people look good in this endeavor – their uniforms match, their equipment is top-notch, and they’re fit and ready to race – and then there’s Racer # 972, me. From the bottom up, we see, first, mismatched wheels; second, under the saddle, we see that I have forgotten to remove my saddle bag (with flat-fixing stuff in it); third, we see that the Bike Surgeon bib shorts bear no relation to the old-school Heckawee Cyclocross jersey; and fourth, and most disturbing, we see that Racer # 972 is about as lean as Jack Spratt’s wife. But do these things stop Racer # 972 from racing? They should, but then again, this is cyclocross in California, on the Sunday before Christmas, and even though Racer #972 has missed two full seasons of cross, he’s gotta get back into it somewhere. The other racers certainly didn’t mind. Hell, half of these racers finished ahead of Racer # 972.
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I will say, incidentally, that it’s difficult to put together words about a cyclocross race without becoming sappy. Cross hurts like the proverbial motherfucker and all that, but then again, no matter how stupidly hard it may be, you can’t help looking back at a race and saying, “Damn, that was amazing.” Yesterday’s racecourse - at Pierce College in Woodland Hills – was definitely all that. There were four brutally tough climbs – one of which you had to run – and above we see Racer #972 looking like he’s about to die on the first of these. Actually, this was about halfway through the race and Racer #972 was catching and passing the two guys in black.
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Oh well. In our continuing efforts to conceal Mag’s ass from the public, here’s a close view of these shorts. Not quite as revealing as the worn-out black bib shorts, but folks at the race are lucky the conditions are dry. A wet white rear bib short panel is invisible - completely invisible. Hence, The Bike Surgeon race team used to be known, affectionately, as Team AssCrack. Race note: See that racer in the red? I caught that guy.
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I don’t care what you’re thinking: There’s NOTHING wrong with this picture. It’s great to be racing cross again, even if I suck at it! I hear tell there’s another cross race hereabouts on January 3. This old boy’s gonna be there.
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Last, is that guy in the hat peeing on the Socal Prestige Series #15 results? I sure hope not.
I was notified last night that the asscracker bibshorts are for the basement trainer and should never again see the light of day. Something about the sun and the moon would be out at the same time?
ReplyDeleteHey this is Chrizzledizzle6 from bikforums.net
ReplyDeleteI must say that this post is awesome. You definitely showed perseverance and that helps a total newb like me to push on even though im still new to this whole riding thing. My bike is not that great either and that also should not slow one down. keep up the great work and i look forward to riding with you!