Can't Get No Worse

I’m all about happiness and light today. Fuckin-A. Slap me in the face. Call me a piece of shit. Take away all my shit. Take a shit on my driveway. I just don’t fucking care! I am so incredibly overjoyed about all aspects of my life. And I’m sure you are, too.

Okay then. Seriously. I’m happy. I mean, it has just taken me thirty minutes to type those words – not the first paragraph; the words ‘I’m happy’ – but now that I’ve typed them, wow, I guess I’m obligated to let the emotion course through my body. Admittedly, it’s not exactly coursing like the Niagara River through me or anything, but I definitely believe that a tiny, remote, abstract element of joy might exist somewhere in the fetid swamplands of my inner soul.

Happiness point #1: I have been bitching nearly nonstop about my Celiac Disease problem – about the gluten-free life, about my lifetime ban from the Five Dollar Footlong at Subway, and so forth – but I have to admit that a life sans gluten, at least for me, ain’t so bad. It’s not that a fellow can’t eat; it’s that a fellow can’t eat certain items. And the benefits of following the program are amazing: gastric improvement, mood improvement (doesn’t this make you sick?), weight improvement (or maybe that’s because I’m riding my bike a couple/three hours a day?). I mean, I feel fantastic, better than in years and years.

Happiness point #2: See #1.

Happiness point #3: There you go. I’m fresh out of happiness again.

Anyway, see that light socket in the picture above? It’s fucked up. It looks like somebody shit on it (imagine the logistics), but goddammit, that light socket still works. Screw a bulb in and we have light. I feel like that. I feel like life has handed my ass to me so many times and in so many ways and that it’s just going to keep handing my ass to me. Like in the old joke: It’s Life 42, Magnuson 0. And Life’s lining up to kick another field goal. But what can a person do? Quit?

Let’s hear a big goddam HELL NO, people! We ain’t quitting.

Meantime, a couple of Mag’s Sentence announcements: Mike (that would be me) has got huge stacks of work piled on his desk the next few days. He is considering a three-day hiatus from Mag’s Sentence in order to complete his professional mission. Of course, he is not considering taking a few days away from his bicycle, which will go to show you where Mike’s priorities lie.

In other words, if I post some grammatical nonsense tomorrow, look for it later in the day. If nothing appears, please don’t leave me forever!

I’m thinking about reviewing books on Mag’s Sentence, too. Sound like a stupid idea? I mean, since I can’t hardly read in the first place?